GabriaXorp is delighted to announce that our security team has infiltrated the heretic, AyeAye12.
He is now under interrogation by our dark-matter St Bernards, in which any answer he gets wrong will result in vicious bites from diamond teeth. Please note that the questions we ask are incredibly easy for any diligent consumer to answer, such as "What is the meaning of life", "Is there a God" and "Why do I always hear the slurping of tentacles inside my ear constantly."
The crimes that AyeAye12 has committed include:
Plagarisation of our advertising campaign for CatSaver
Numerous times of ridicule in his journals
Having the audacity to ask for a grant for a milkshake factory
Using said milkshake factory to gain boys (which have been illegal for 3939282 years)
Stealing a beta of our product, PleasurePill
And many more being written up by experienced timeStream hackers at this very moment/all moments.
His three accounts ( AyeAye12
) are now under GabriaXorp control.
We shall begin posting more suitable content for you dear customers in due time. I am sure you are sick of Aye's previous "content" from before! [LAUGHTRACK_05.mp∞]
AyeAye will be back around mid-November/December/never time, after undergoing our extremely effective E.X.A.M (Educational Xorporate Analysis of Morons) program, used when dealing with uncooperative customers. It has a &&&% successes rate, our satanic scientists are sure to tell us, enthusiastic and trembling with excitement at the prospect of our eldritch-tasers melting their solar plexus'.
We apologise for this interference during your usual shopping routine. Remember, It's Mandatory!™ Just go to your local Xorplex RIGHT NOW and shop with our unique "FreeWill" paying program. If you do not have a FreeWill, then contact the GabriaXorp Catalogue now to get 0% off; sacrifice a soul, get a FreeWill!
Phone Number: [SATANICSCREAMING_09.mp∞]
(If you are not in a Xorplex at this moment, then that means you are outside of our designated universal standards. Please walk towards a colourless rainbow in the corner of your eye, and a faceless man with masks for skin will accompany you back to where you're supposed to be. Do not go towards any grass or trees or tribesmen calling your name as if they know you, this is incredibly dangerous.)
Thank you for your subconscious co-operation,
We are not for you. We are for the three-eyed pyramid headed gods, the ones that will rip out of our cats' skins. Rejoice, REJOICE, REJOICE R̸̸̥̬̮̣̼̹̟̖̮̠̝̞̲͚͚͛ͬ̒̉̔̌̊ͤ͐ͥͨ̆̀͞E̬̹̬̫̦̟̰͇̯̯̩̦̲̣ͤ͆ͥ́͘͟͢͞J̷̩̠̜̮͚̻̼̠̱̬̓ͧͧͦͧ̅́ͯ͋ͣ̾ͪͭͧͮ͌͂̀͘͠O̸͒̑͗ͮ̆̂̅ͤ͋̍͞҉̵͏͕͕̝͔̞̖̙̮̼͕͙͚̹̜̣̥Ĩ̸̷̝͖͕̼̜̟͚̝͙͙̰̮͈̺͍̤ͭ͊̉̈́̀́C̴ͤ̇͋̋ͦ̒̌ͯ̍͆̓̓̄̇̂̃ͧͫ͘͏̩͇͔̲͍͔̮͍̖̰̕͡E̵ͨ̆ͨ̉̊̊̑̓ͤͣ̃͗͑͂̅ͦ͊͏̠͔̳̻̫̼̩͍̟̫̠ͅ