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Poetry by 91816119

Words by Bark


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Submitted on
April 27, 2013
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A cloud god
spilled his sun-glass of
peach juice across the sky,
the orange frothed into
white strands
flooding into
heavenly Morse code.

The solar drink thinned
into a beard-grey
until the dome was
a glass-black sea,
the moon
an uneaten celestial crisp.
NaPoWriMo Day 27# and I do like sunsets.

Another poem about sunsets. Pretty proud of this, actually. Again, I seem to do best in poetry when its in descriptive nature poems.

EDIT: 17/9/13 Tweaked some things. I know it isn't the poem that originally got a DLD, but I do think it reads a lot better than it used to.
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:iconminijacksondiangelo:
MiniJacksonDiAngelo Featured By Owner Dec 30, 2013  Student Writer
Very peach and orangey.
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:iconayeaye12:
AyeAye12 Featured By Owner Dec 30, 2013  Student Writer
xP

Glad you enjoyed it :3
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:icona-la-douce-memoire:
a-la-douce-memoire Featured By Owner Sep 20, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I love this! 

I want to eat the moon and drink the sky... *scribbles that down*
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:iconayeaye12:
AyeAye12 Featured By Owner Sep 20, 2013  Student Writer
Haha, glad I could inspire you :D

Anything you can see that I could work on/ improve?
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:icona-la-douce-memoire:
a-la-douce-memoire Featured By Owner Sep 20, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Let me come back to that, I'm getting ready for work right meow, but I SHALL RETURN!
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:iconxluckyxfridayx13x:
xLuckyxFridayx13x Featured By Owner Sep 17, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Okay, I feel like a jerk for this comment because I know that you asked for critiques that explore both positive and negative elements but....... I really like the imagery in here. It just makes me practically taste citrus. I tried to find something wrong with pacing, or grammar, or anything, but I couldn't. So there you go. Nice work.
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:iconayeaye12:
AyeAye12 Featured By Owner Sep 18, 2013  Student Writer
Thanks for the comment :3

Also, thanks for the honesty; sorry there's nothing to fix xD
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:iconxluckyxfridayx13x:
xLuckyxFridayx13x Featured By Owner Sep 18, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Welcome. :) And it's okay, it's a good thing on your end. xD
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:iconemerald-alexandria:
Emerald-Alexandria Featured By Owner Sep 6, 2013  Student Writer
This is fantastic imagery
!
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:iconayeaye12:
AyeAye12 Featured By Owner Sep 6, 2013  Student Writer
Thanks for your kind words!

(And Watch :3)
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